Formerly Cascade Alternative Resolution Services
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AgreementsWork
“Resolve to Resolve”
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Specializing in alternative dispute resolution
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Library > Reference Sheet: Using Neutral Language
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Reference Sheet: Using Neutral Language |
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| Use Non-Judgemental | rather than | Judgemental Language |
| Thank you. | There you go again. | |
| Ok. The point I hear you making... | Is that really relevant? | |
| Say more about that. | Good idea! | |
| Will you elaborate? | What is your point? | |
| Is this doable? | I don't think that will work. | |
| Use Non-Controlling | rather than | Controlling Language |
| I'm listening, tell me about it. | I don't want to hear about it. | |
| Let's talk about that and could you also write me a memo? | Let's not talk about that. Write me a memo. | |
| I have a hard time hearing what you're saying when you raise your voice. | If you're going to raise your voice, I won't listen to you. | |
| Use Non-Defensive | rather than | Defensive Langauge |
| Tell me more about that. | I wasn't the one who... | |
| This is hard for me and I really want to hear what you have to say. | But you don't understand! | |
| You're saying that you experience me as... | I'm not that way! | |
| This seems really important to you. | Why are you making this such a big deal? | |
Avoid the “Six Deadly Words”
By putting the listener on the defensive, in resolving a conflict, these words can stop dialogue and problem-solving:
- you
- but
- always
- never
- should
- must